Written for 12 months of BtVS – this is my Anya fic. Takes place during Season Six – Entropy. Anya’s thoughts that night. Rating R.

Solace for a Demon (8/16/05)

by Slaymesoftly

Rating R

Season VI

Word Count 1426

Disclaimer: Not my characters, just my ideas about what her thoughts might be.

Solace for a Demon

I don’t understand how he could do that to me. He says he loves me. He tells me his insides hurt. Hah! Not enough they don’t! They need to be hanging out of his body – bloody and torn… painfully…. Oh, never mind. I don’t think I really want him to die. But some pain would be good…it would make me feel bet-

What’s --? The bell. Good, a customer. Some money would help me feel better. Less…useless. Unwanted…I can help the customer and –Oh. It’s just Spike. What does HE want? Hey, he doesn’t like Xander. Maybe he’ll do a curse for me. Let’s see what do I want? Evisceration? Broken bones? Maybe another round of syphilis? That’s it – I’ll ask Spike to curse Xander’s penis.

Spike doesn’t look very good. Even for a dead man. He looks like he hasn’t eaten in a while and…has he been crying? Nah. Vampires don’t cry. Ex-demons cry. Especially when they’ve been left standing around in a wedding gown that they aren’t going to need. Apparently they….Oh, he’s upset about some girl. Interesting. Wonder if it’s that skanky Goth he brought to my wedding. My wedding that didn’t happen because Xander “wasn’t ready”. Like that matters when you have 120 people and demons all waiting to watch you get married!

Boy, Spike is really not in good shape. Funny. I thought he had this thing for Buffy, but ... Somebody has really broken his heart. I guess he didn’t want us to meet her for some reason. Maybe she’s a demon and he thought we’d all be rude to her. That we’d make fun of her because she didn’t know how to behave like a human. Because that’s what the Scoobies do. Make fun of demons or ex-demons who are doing their best to belong…I wouldn’t have done that. I would have been nice.

No. She’s apparently human. It must be that girl he brought to the wedding. MY wedding. That I didn’t get. Because Xander doesn’t want to marry me. Because he doesn’t love me. I thought he loved me, but he obviously doesn’t or he wouldn’t have left me at the altar like that.

It must be me. Maybe it was all the demons at the wedding? He hates being reminded that I used to be a demon. That’s probably it. He’s ashamed that I was a demon…What? Oh Spike wants something to kill his pain. I don’t know how to kill pain. If I did, doesn’t he think I would have done something about mine?

There. Brought out Giles’ good scotch. Maybe we can numb the pain for a while. Even if we can’t make it go away… Two demons drowning their sorrows because of what a couple of humans did to them. What is wrong with this picture? We should be making THEM cry. Torturing and killing. Not sitting here getting stinky drunk and…and…when did he move so close to me?

I never knew Spike could be so…sweet. And understanding. He knows how I feel. How it feels to be dumped because you’re a demon. Like we could help that! He’s so sympathetic. So nice to me. Telling me I’m pretty and Xander is a wanker. Whatever a wanker is.

Poor Spike. He’s so sad. It almost makes me feel sorry for him. That somebody hurt him too. If I had a way, I’d make it stop hurting for him. I would. I’d work a vengeance on her if he asked for it.

What is he doing? What am I doing? If our mouths get any closer we’ll be… ”Moving on” he says. Is that what we’re doing? Are we moving on? To each other? No. Demon comfort. He’s offering demon comfort; or asking for it. I’m not sure which of us needs it the most. Probably me. I mean it’s not like his human left him at the altar…I’m definitely the more injured party here. He’s going to make us both forget for a few minutes. Humans wouldn’t understand, but I do. We give each other what we can and take solace from it.

Why shouldn’t I? Spike likes me. He thinks I’m pretty. He thinks that I’m worth having. And he doesn’t care that I was a demon. He’s a demon too, although, a very nice one. With very soft lips. And a very nice body. Not soft and squishy like Xander’s. And, what appears to be a very large penis…

What an excellent kisser. He could give Xander lessons. Not that Xander needs lessons…or that he’s ever going to touch these lips again…but if he did, he could learn from this vampire. Wow!

I thought I wanted only Xander to give me orgasms. But he doesn’t want to anymore. I think I wouldn’t mind an orgasm from Spike. He seems to be very skilled at this. Here I am, on my back, on the table and half way to happy land already. Whoever the girl is, she is very foolish to let this vampire get away. He really knows how to – oh, oh, oh, OH!

That was a wonderful orgasm. And yet, oddly enough, I don’t know if I feel any better. I should. An attractive man has just given me an orgasm and told me how wonderful I am. And I am. Wonderful. I’m pretty and sexy and a good businesswoman, and…

And I still got left at the altar by the man who said he loved me. I still have to send back all the wedding presents. I still have to face all those people who saw me get stood up at my own wedding.

Thank you, Spike. You made me feel special for a few minutes. For just a little while you made me forget that Xander doesn’t love me enough to marry me. It was a nice break from feeling sorry for myself. Orgasms always make me feel good, even if they don’t last very long.

I hope it made him feel better. He doesn’t look any happier than he did when he came in. Maybe I’ll let him walk me home and see if he wants to make me feel better again. Whoever that stupid girl is, she needs her head examined for breaking up with him.

What the--? Xander? What is he doing here? And why does he—oh no, don’t hit Spike with the axe! He knows. Oh my god, he knows. How can he know already? Oh, I can’t believe this! He’s yelling at me? Like I did something wrong?

Buffy’s here. Why is Buffy here? And how did she know Xander was going to try to kill Spi--Oh my god. Buffy. It was Buffy. The girl Spike was crying about…the one who broke his heart. It was Buffy. The Slayer. Who doesn’t look very happy about what we did. I don’t know how – but she and Xander both know what we just did. Now Xander has stopped yelling at me so he can yell at her. Spike probably shouldn’t have said that – that he was good enough for Buffy. Now Xander REALLY wants to kill him. For touching his precious Buffy. That probably makes him madder than the orgasm Spike gave me.

He’s so mad she won’t let him kill Spike. Say’s he’s disgusted with both of us. He’s leaving. He didn’t even look at me after he finished yelling at Buffy. I guess it’s not too hard to see which of us he was most upset about Spike giving orgasms to.

Now it’s just us. Spike’s still sitting on the ground where Xander left him. He looks like he wishes Buffy hadn’t stopped Xander from dusting him. She’s just staring at him. She looks like she wants to cry…except she isn’t. Crying, I mean. She’s getting that “Slayer” look. The one that means she wants to kill something. I wonder if I can sneak away before she…too late. She’s looking at me now.

I should say something. Tell her I didn’t know it was her Spike was talking about. I never would have had sex with him if I’d known he was hers. Not even we’re-both-miserable-because-our-humans-don’t-want-us solace sex.

I hope she doesn’t know I’m a demon again. I should try to look very human. Just like her. She doesn’t kill humans. Does she?

The End

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