For the Dawn entry at 12 Months of BtVS; set during season
VI but off canon, it is pretty much a Spuffy fic but with Dawn at the center of
the action.
Title: To Fix That Which is Not Broken (8/17/05)
Author: Slaymesoftly
RATING G or PG
Season VI
Word count 8402
All disclaimers are in effect Ð they arenÕt mine. We all
know that.
Dawn learns a bit more about what comes with being a very
old keyÉ.
Many thanks to Always_jbj for her encouragement, beta
assistance, and the title.
By Slaymesoftly
Chapter
One
ÒHello?Ó BuffyÕs knew that
her tone was less than cordial, but she had just finished a long shift at the
Doublemeat and her feet hurt.
ÒBuffy?Ó The familiar voice
was a surprise; not necessarily a welcome one.
ÒYes, Angel?Ó She tried to
keep the impatience out of her voice.
Whatever he was calling to warn her about, she was sure it could wait
until sheÕd had a shower and a good nightÕs sleep.
ÒBuffyÉI needÉI mean, IÕd
appreciate it if you wouldÉÓ He blew out his breath in a loud sigh. ÒIÕd like
you to check on Spike for me.Ó
ÒHeÕs not hurting anyone, Angel. Leave him alone.Ó
ÒI know heÕs not hurting anyone.
IÕm worried about him.Ó
The growl in his voice was very obvious and she snapped her attention
back to the phone. She couldnÕt
remember ever hearing Angel growl at her except when heÕd come back from the
hell dimension in a feral state.
ÒYouÕre WORRIED about him?
I thought you hated him, Angel.
And why would you be worried about him? IÕm sure heÕs fine.Ó
She smothered the guilty pang she felt, knowing full well that after
their break-up the vampire was anything but fine. On the other end of the line she heard a heavy sigh.
ÒHeÕs not my favorite person, Buffy, but he is my grandchilde and I feel
a certain amount of responsibility for him. Spike can be veryÉemotional. I just want to know that heÕs
not going to over-react and do anything foolish.Ó
For a brief, terrifying second, Buffy thought Angel knew about the
months long affair she and Spike had been having and about the way she broke up
with him. She was speechless as
she tried to comprehend AngelÕs being worried about SpikeÕs state of mind
rather than furious at him for touching her. Then the rest of what he was saying penetrated her tired
brain and she repeated out loud what he was saying.
ÒDrusilla is dust? SheÕs dead? How do you know?
How would Spike know and why would he care?Ó This last was said in a querulous whine.
Across the room, Dawn had shot to her feet at BuffyÕs words and run to
the close. Buffy looked back and
forth from the phone, where Angel was trying to answer her, to her sister who
was frantically pulling on her jacket.
ÒDawn! Where do you think
youÕre going?Ó
ÒIÕm going to Spike. Where
do you think IÕm going?Ó Dawn asked in disgust. ÒMaybe you donÕt care about him, but I do. If Dru is dead heÕs going to need
somebody.Ó
ÒDawn Ð you canÕt go to the cemetery at night without me! Angel, IÕve got to go. WeÕll check on Spike. IÕm sure heÕs
fine. He probably doesnÕt even
know yet.Ó
ÒBuffy, Ò AngelÕs voice was sad and heavy, Òhe knows. He knew it the instant it happened. Just as I did. SheÕs family. SheÕs his sire.
Trust me. He knows. And I donÕt know how heÕs going to
react. With that chip in his head,
itÕs not like he has a lot to live for anyway.Ó He sighed.
ÒJust see whatÕs going on, OK?
I donÕt expect you to take care of him, butÑÒ
ÒDawnÕs
already left. IÕve got to go.Ó
While her older
sister waited impatiently for Angel to end the phone call, Dawn flew out the
door and began running in the direction of Restfield Cemetery. ÒWait for me, Spike. Wait for me. IÕm coming. I wonÕt leave you alone. Wait for me,Ó she chanted to herself as
she ran.
Buffy hung up the phone
and ran out the door after her sister who was rapidly disappearing into the
distance. She tried to force
AngelÕs last words out of her mind, but they echoed in her head as she
ran. ÒÉnot like he has anything to
live for anyway.Ó
Even with her enhanced speed, she had a hard time catching up to her
long-legged sister. Not for the
first time, she wondered if Dawn had inherited some of her Slayer skills when
the monks created her from BuffyÕs DNA.
Dawn did not say a word when Buffy finally pulled abreast of her, just
continued to propel herself toward the familiar crypt as quickly as she could.
Without knocking, she burst through the door and stared around the dark
room, straining her eyes and ears for some sign of the vampire she loved liked
a brother.
ÒSÉSpike?Ó she almost whispered, fear seizing her heart with an iron
fist.
No one knew better than Dawn how much the vampire loved her ungrateful
older sister. While Buffy was gone they had grieved together and she understood
the depth of his feelings for the dead slayer better than anyone else. But sheÕd also seen him grieve for her
mother. She knew that he was
capable of fierce devotion to more than one person and that the loss of any one
of the women he cared for, whether it was herself, Buffy, or the vampire heÕd
loved and protected for over one hundred years, would be devastating to him.
Buffy remained just inside the door, wondering what she could or should
do. As the slayer, she felt
nothing but relief that a very old and very dangerous vampire no longer walked
the earth. But she knew enough
vampire lore to know that losing oneÕs sire was a pretty big deal among the
undead. Spike himself had explained
to her once how astonished he and Dru had been to find out that Angel had
staked Darla to save the slayerÕs life.
So she knew, in some small way, that the vampire she refused to admit
she cared anything about was dealing with more than just normal grief over the
death of an old girlfriend.
And yet, she remained frozen in place. Her senses told her that Spike was somewhere in the crypt,
even though he had not responded to DawnÕs increasingly fearful repetitions of
his name.
ÒItÕs okay,
Dawn,Ó Buffy finally moved to touch her sisterÕs arm. ÒHeÕs here somewhere.
I can feel him.Ó
ÒGreat.Ó Dawn replied bitterly.
ÒThe Summers who doesnÕt care what happens to him can tell where he is,
and the one who does care gets to worry that heÕs dead because he wonÕt answer
her.Ó Dawn knew she sounded
petulant and spoiled, but she also knew that Buffy was somehow responsible for
the depression Spike had been wallowing in lately and the thought that her
sister was the one who could feel the vampireÕs presence seemed completely
unfair. She ignored BuffyÕs flinch
at her words and waited impatiently.
ÒWell?Ó she demanded when Buffy didnÕt offer any other information.
ÒWhere is he?Ó
Without answering, Buffy went unerringly to the table where the candles
rested and picked up a book of matches.
She lit one of the candles and carried it around the room, using it to
light several more until they could see the whole interior. It was obvious from the destruction in
the room that Spike had been there when heÕd felt DrusillaÕs death, but there
was still no sign of the vampire.
Dawn folded her arms across her chest and tapped her foot. She glared at her sister and gestured to
the empty room.
ÒAnd, I repeat. Where is
he?Ó
With a sigh and an eyeroll, Buffy carried the candle over to the
sarcophagus and set it down on the floor so that she could remove the lid. Dawn watched in shock as, with an easy
familiarity, her sister slid the top off and held the candle over the
now-revealed ladder to the lower level.
She had to smother a pang of jealousy that Buffy had known about this
hide-away below SpikeÕs home and she, who had spent so much time with the
vampire, did not.
Tossing her head with a snort, she snatched a candle off the table and
walked past her sister to descend the ladder. She was surprised to feel Buffy right behind her as
she stepped off the bottom rung onto the crunchy floor of what had obviously
once been SpikeÕs bedroom. The
smell of ashes and smoke still hung in the air and Dawn looked around curiously
at the charred furniture, wondering if she was looking at the results of
careless smoking or something more sinister.
Buffy took the final rungs of the ladder with trepidation, remembering
how she had helped Riley torch SpikeÕs home to kill the Suvolte eggs. The first thing she saw were the
charred remains of the once-beautiful oriental rugs that used to cover the dirt
floor. Guilt riveted her to the
base of the ladder. She was
fearful of going any further into the room that had been her refuge from the
world for so many weeks. Memories
of long nights and slow afternoons spent letting SpikeÕs love-making skills
take away her sadness and bring back some semblance of joy in the world warred
with her righteous anger that he had risked releasing such dangerous demons on
Sunnydale.
The large four-poster bed seemed to have survived with just some minor
scorching on the posts, but it was empty and Dawn glanced quickly around the
room, searching for the occupant.
She finally noticed him, sitting in the dirt and ashes of the floor,
leaning against a dirt wall toward the back of the chamber, his eyes held shut
against the light she was holding.
Tear stains streaked his face and the grief consuming his body was
palpable. Without a thought, she
dropped her candle and ran, falling to her knees beside him.
ÒGo away, Bit,Ó he croaked in a hoarse voice. ÒJusÕ leave me be.Ó
Tears filled DawnÕs eyes as she reached a tentative hand toward his
face.
ÒI canÕt do that, Spike. I
canÕt leave you here like this.
Please, let me help you.
Let me be here for you.Ó
Her voice trembled as she moved closer.
ÒIÕm all right, Dawn.Ó His
use of her real name was proof enough that he was far from all right and she
scooted even closer. ÒJusÕ go
away. Please. And
take her with you,Ó
he added wearily, fixing one tear-encrusted eye on the immobile slayer
standing at the foot of the ladder.
Stung that he didnÕt want her there, Buffy said harshly, ÒCome on, Dawn.
He says he doesnÕt want us here.
WeÕve seen him. HeÕs fine.
LetÕs go home.Ó
ÒHe doesnÕt want YOU here,Ó the lanky teen snarled over her
shoulder. ÒIÕm not leaving him
like this.Ó
She knelt beside the still vampire and instinctively put her arms around
him, whispering how much she loved him and how sorry she was that he was in
pain. He stunned Buffy when, with a sudden sob, he turned his head into DawnÕs
neck and began to cry softly. The
slayer watched in amazement as her younger sister held the vampire, rocking him
gently and murmuring soothingly as he cried out his loss and grief onto her
welcoming shoulders. With a flash of intuition, she realized that she was
probably watching a scene they had replayed many times over while she was gone.
Buffy stood awkwardly near the ladder, unsure of what to do with
herself. She couldnÕt leave Dawn
alone in the cemetery to wander home without her; and yet, she could see that
she was neither needed nor wanted by either of the two people on the
floor. Not to mention, the longer
she stood there in the wreckage of what had been a beautiful bedroom that she
knew heÕd decorated only for her, the worse she felt.
Tears of sympathy for the pain Spike was feeling were soon flowing down
DawnÕs cheeks and Buffy could only watch with increasing discomfort as the two
people who loved her most cried and held each other, seemingly oblivious to her
presence. Struggling for the cold detachment she usually presented around the
vampire, she found herself unaccountably wishing she could be a part of their
sad closeness. She fought the urge
to join them on the floor, to lend her own comfort and sympathy to the vampire
sheÕd hurt so many times.
Instead, Buffy picked up the candle Dawn had dropped and relit it before
carefully setting it on the blackened dresser closest to her. Taking her own light, she moved
silently back up the familiar ladder, trying not to remember the last time
sheÕd been in the once lushly decorated underground room.
Dawn felt Spike stiffen in her arms and glanced up to see what might
have bothered him just in time to watch BuffyÕs feet disappearing up the
ladder. Anger at her older sister
flared briefly, to be replaced by sadness that as much as she knew Spike loved
her and was grateful for her presence, she was not his first choice. The woman who could have done so much
more to ease his pain with just a word or a gentle touch, was too immersed in
her own selfish concerns to be bothered with him.
She knew he hadnÕt looked up to see Buffy leave, and again felt a pang
of jealousy and regret that he apparently had the same ability to sense BuffyÕs
presence as her sister had to sense his.
She held him a little tighter, as though to make up for the lack of
BuffyÕs presence by reminding him of hers and was rewarded with a new round of
sobbing as he relaxed back into her embrace.
Dawn lost track of time as she held the crying vampire and tried to
absorb some of the pain he was feeling into her own resilient soul. For the
first time, she actually felt the weight of her thousands of years of existence
as a ball of energy. Mixed in with
the hormones and emotions of a human teenager was a wisdom and a sense of power
that both thrilled and frightened her.
As she held her best friend and wished she could do something to ease
his misery, she failed to notice the soft green light that began to envelop
them both. Neither did she
consciously reach into the grief-stricken vampireÕs heart to begin to heal it. And yet, the longer she held him, the
softer his sobs were until he was finally leaning on her shoulder, taking deep
unnecessary breaths that seemed to provide a further measure of calmness with
each inhalation.
Eventually he raised his head and looked into her eyes to see the ancient
essence of her soul looking back at him with gentle affection. He examined his heart and found that
the portion of it that had felt the loss of his sire, the part that still ached
for her, but now bearably so, was almost healed. He stared at the human girl heÕd loved and protected for
well over a year and marveled at what he saw looking back at him.
Suddenly, Dawn blinked and he was once again looking into the soft blue
eyes of his favorite human teenager.
ÒThatÕs quite a trick youÕve got there, Bit,Ó he ventured, not sure if
she was even aware of what sheÕd done for him.
She looked at him in confusion, grateful that he no longer seemed as
devastated by DruÕs loss, but puzzled that he could have recovered so quickly
from the heartbreak sheÕd felt from him only a few hours ago.
ÒWhat trick?Ó she asked, cocking her head in an unconscious imitation of
a familiar gesture. ÒAll I
did was hold you. I wanted to be
sure you knew how much I love you andÉand to make up for BuffyÕs ice queen
performance,Ó she finished in a mutter.
He smiled slightly in appreciation of her sympathy about her sisterÕs
behavior, but continued to stare at her contemplatively until she began to
squirm and move away from him.
ÒWhatÕs up with the searching looks?Ó she grumbled. ÒDid you think I would leave you here like
that once I knew?Ó
ÒNo, pet, I wouldnÕt have expected any less from you. IÕm not surprised you came, just a little
gobsmacked about how much good it did me, thatÕs all.Ó
ÒSo, youÕre going to be okay now?Ó she asked anxiously. Although she could still see the
sadness that had underlined his entire demeanor for the past month, the raw
grief that had emanated from him when she got to the crypt was gone; softened
into a gentle ache.
ÒIÕll be fine, Bit. Thank
you,Ó he said softly, dropping a kiss on her forehead before extricating
himself from the long arms still wrapped loosely around him. He stood up and stretched before taking
her hand and pulling her to her feet.
He looked into her eyes searchingly until she blushed and looked away
from him.
ÒWhy do you keep looking at me like that?Ó In spite of her attempts to brush off his curiosity, she was
vaguely aware of having had some sort of magical experience as she tried to
comfort her friend. ÒYouÕre
wigging me out, Spike,Ó she complained in an attempt to take his mind off
whatever had happened between them.
ÔÕM
sorry, Bit. DidnÕt mean to do
that. JusÕ a little rattled myself
that you could make me feel so much better so bloody fast. Wondering how you did it, is all.Ó
ÒYeah, well, I donÕt know how I did it, so can we just drop it? IÕm just glad Angel called anÑÒ
ÒANGEL called?Ó The
disbelief in his voice was overwhelming.
ÒWhy did the bloody Poof call you?Ó
ÒHe called Buffy, actually.
I think he asked her to check on you, but I wasnÕt really
listening. As soon as I knew what
he was calling about, I ran out the door.
I knew youÕd need someone and I was probably the on-Ò She swallowed the rest of what she was
going to say, but with a sad smile the vampire finished if for her.
ÒYou were probably the only one who would care what happened to
me.Ó His flat, uninflected voice
was belied by the sudden pain that flashed across his face. Old pain, it was obvious. Pain that was totally unrelated to the
sudden death of his sire.
Making no attempt to pretend she didnÕt know why he was hurting again,
Dawn put a gentle hand on his rigid arm and said softly, ÒIÕm sure she would have come, Spike. I
just got here first.Ó
He shook his head, giving her hand a grateful squeeze before taking it
off his arm. ÒNo, Bit. She wouldnÕt have. Not tonight. Eventually, maybe, if the Poof asked her to, but not because
she cared. Not for me.Ó
Dawn briefly wondered if whatever sheÕd done to ease his grief could
also be used to heal the damage her sister was doing to the man who loved her
so deeply and unselfishly. Then
she realized that since she had no idea what sheÕd actually done or how, she
wasnÕt likely to be able to use it to fix whatever was wrong between the two
most important people in her life.
Without the ScoobiesÕ need to live in denial, she was more aware than
they were that there was, or had been, something between her sister and the
vampire. Something that they were
not sharing with any of BuffyÕs judgmental friends or with her sister. Something that, she would guess from
their behavior, was no longer there for some reason.
ÒSheÕs a self-centered bitch,Ó Dawn spat out, surprising them both with
the vehemence of her statement.
SpikeÕs shocked face told her he had never expected to hear her speak
that way of the sister sheÕd been so thrilled to have back.
ÒNo, Bit,Ó he said, careful to keep his voice down. ÒSheÕs not being willfully cruel. You know thatÕs not your sis. SheÕs still livinÕ with the pain of
being yanked back to this world fromÉa better place. A place where she was done
and at rest. And here she is, back
where her mum is dead, her sister is in daily danger of being taken away by
Social Services for skipping school or shopliftingÉÓ He grinned humorlessly at
DawnÕs surprised flinch when he called her on her own behavior. ÒSheÕs got bills to pay, friends
falling into magic addictions, calling off weddings at the last minute and
turning other friends back into vengeance demons. SheÕs got a lot on her plate and no support system to
lean onÑÒ
ÒSheÕs got you,Ó Dawn said with a sudden burst of insight. ÒYou donÕt ask her for anything. She could lean on you. She DOES lean on you. She just doesnÕt return the favor when
you need her for something.Ó
ÒShe doesnÕt need me anymore,Ó he said quietly. ÒShe needs to find her own way now. Learn to be Buffy again. I was just holding her back. I was selfish. DidnÕt want to let her go. But I need to. DonÕt need to be laying any more guilt
on her. And neither to do
you,Ó he added with a hard look.
ÒDonÕt pick on her about this.
SheÕs doing her best.Ó
DawnÕs nostrils flared with
anger, then she nodded and dropped her eyes so that he wouldnÕt see the new
determination in them.
ÒFine,Ó she huffed. ÒI
wonÕt tell her what an uncaring, selfish, pitiful excuse for a friend sheÕs
been to you.Ó
Ignoring her tirade against her sister, he just asked quietly, ÒPromise
me?Ó and smiled briefly at her terse nod.
ÒAlright, then. YouÕd best
be getting out of here and try to catch a little sleep before morning. Big sis is waiting upstairs for you so
you can get home in one piece.Ó
He pulled her into another hug, whispered Òthank youÓ into her ear and
gave her a gentle shove toward the ladder. He watched in silence as she slowly climbed out of his room,
the fatigue clearly catching up with her.
Wishing that the watcher had not gone back to England, he tried to
decide whom he should speak to about what Dawn had done for him. HeÕd been a vampire too long not to
recognize magical forces when they surrounded him.
When Buffy had got back upstairs, she wandered aimlessly around the room
for a minute before picking up the over-turned chair and sitting down to wait
for either daylight or DawnÕs reappearance. She mulled over her younger sisterÕs immediate, instinctive,
and surprisingly mature reaction to AngelÕs phone call and wondered where her
own innate kindness had gone.
(Must have
left it in Heaven, along with everything else good in me.
That a normally self-centered teenager would know to run to Spike, to
ignore his request to be left alone, and to be able to offer the exact sort of
physical comfort he needed while she, his former lover, stood by unwilling or
unable to decide what to do bothered her more than she cared to admit.
The soft sound of SpikeÕs sobs drifted up to her and she found herself
too restless to remain seated. She
ended up wandering around the trashed room, picking up overturned furniture and
cleaning up debris. She suspected
that the rather large collection of empty and/or broken whiskey bottles were
not all relics of tonightÕs unhappiness; and another bolt of guilt shot through
her.
By herself, in the darkened crypt,
she was able to admit that what theyÕd had between them Ð as twisted and
violent as it could be at times Ð was a real relationship. One that had brought her out of her
post-heaven inability to respond to anyone or anything and given her back the
ability to feel.
When she ran out of trash to pick up, she wandered back to the chair and
allowed herself to doze off while she waited for Dawn to be ready to
leave. Her eyes were closed and
her breathing even when the soft green glow from downstairs shone out the top
of the sarcophagus and she missed it completely, waking from her nap only when
she heard the sound of voices at the bottom of the ladder.
Dawn was making no attempt to be quiet and Buffy cringed when she heard
herself referred to as a Òself-centered bitchÓ. Creeping closer to the ladder,
she was just barely able to hear SpikeÕs soft defense of her behavior and guilt
stabbed her again at the reminder of how unconditional his love was. The love that she could no longer pretend
didnÕt exist.
He loved Dawn. For some
reason sheÕd always been able to freely admit that, without it impacting on her
ability to deny that soulless vampires could love. HeÕd clearly still cared for his insane sire, in spite of
having fallen in love with the woman heÕd sworn to kill for her. And there could be no doubt that he had
not been able to Òmove onÓ from his feelings for Buffy as sheÕd ordered him to
do.
Rather than her epiphany making her feel better, she felt a huge
upwelling of self-loathing for the way sheÕd treated him. It seemed one more example of how
ÒwrongÓ she had come back from her grave. Telling herself that Spike deserved
better, she resisted the urge to go down the ladder again and offer her own
condolences. Instead, as she heard
Dawn start up the ladder, she scrambled away from the opening and waited at the
door for her sister.
The teenager stopped near the ladder, waiting to see if Buffy was going
to want to see Spike or say anything to him, but when the older girl just
remained stubbornly by the door, she shrugged and walked out past her without
saying anything.
They walked home in silence.
Buffy opened her mouth to speak several times, but each time she
realized that she didnÕt know what she was planning to say and she shut it
again without breaking the silence.
Dawn was aware of her sisterÕs aborted attempts to speak, but did
nothing to encourage her. The only
thing holding in check her anger at BuffyÕs callous treatment of the man who
loved her was the half-formed resolve to find away to fix them Ð
permanently.
She mentally went over a list of people she knew with the knowledge or
expertise to help her explore ways to tap into her ÒkeynessÓ and use it
intentionally the way she just had accidentally. Sadly, the list was very short. Tara was always a
possibility when it came to tapping into anything involving auras or
earth-centered magic. But Tara had
never heard of the Key before Glory came looking for it and she knew little or
nothing about opening portals to other dimensions.
Giles, if he could access the CouncilÕs resources, could perhaps find
something for her. But he was in
England and she really didnÕt want to have to explain THAT long distance phone
call to her cash-strapped sister. She wondered idly if Angel had anyone on his
staff at Angel Investigations with some knowledge of anything that would help
her.
By the time they entered the house, she had determined to talk to Angel
as soon as she could make the call without Buffy hearing the conversation. When Buffy once more tried to say
something to her, she interrupted her sister with a quiet, ÒI really, really
donÕt want to talk to you right now, Buffy,Ó and went up the stairs and into
her room, shutting the door firmly behind her.
Giving up on the idea of getting any sleep until after Dawn had left for
school, Buffy walked to the phone and dialed a seldom used but familiar
number. After a short, not
terribly friendly, conversation with Angel in which she told him only that they
had checked on Spike, found him in bad shape when they got there, but that he
seemed much better by the time they left.
With a promise to keep an eye on his emotional state, Buffy hung up on
her first vampire lover to plan her day so as to have time for the second.
She went slowly up to her room; having changed her mind about waiting up
till Dawn got up again. She put on
her pajamas and went to brush her teeth.
She had just left the bathroom and was crossing the darkened hallway
when she saw the green light shining from beneath her sisterÕs door. Moving with slayer speed, she was at
the door and turning the knob in an instant, her stomach clenched with fear of
what she might find.
Her relief when she found her sister still sprawled across her bed,
mouth open and snoring in her usual abandoned sleep position left her sagging
against the doorjamb. She studied
the picture in front of her, confused about what she was seeing. While Dawn appeared to be perfectly
normal, her entire body and the area around the bed, was suffused with a soft
green glow that pulsed gently.
She lived with the fear that one day Dawn would turn back into the
mystical ball of energy sheÕd been before the monks sent her to Buffy for
protection. Even with the renewed
interest in life that SpikeÕs steady refusal to let her wallow in her
depression had sparked, her sister was still the only person she really cared
for with the fierce loyalty sheÕd always shown her watcher and friends before
she died.
Buffy approached the bed and stretched a tentative hand toward the green
light as she reached for DawnÕs shoulder.
Before she could touch it, a motion outside the window caught her eye
and she glanced up to see Spike staring though the window with an expression of
awe on his face. She snatched her
hand back and gestured angrily for him to get off the roof; pointing toward the
back porch as she did so. As soon
as she saw that he was gone, she left the sleeping girl and ran down to the
kitchen.
She flung open the door and stormed up to the still bemused vampire,
growling, ÒWhat the hell do you think youÕre doing here?Ó
Her angry words and tone snapped him out of his contemplative mood and
he growled back at her, ÒI just wanted to be sure she was alright, Slayer. Wanted to see that the mojo was gone.Ó
ÒWhat mojo?Ó she asked, standing between him and the door to the house.
ÒYou saw it. DonÕt try to
tell me you didnÕt,Ó
BuffyÕs shoulders slumped and she relaxed and stepped back, allowing him
to follow her into the kitchen.
ÒI saw it,Ó she responded quietly. ÒI just donÕt know what it is. SheÕs never done that before. Glowed like that, I mean.Ó
ÒUh, actually, pet, she has,Ó he said softly.
Buffy ignored the little thrill she got from hearing him call her
something besides ÒslayerÓ and glared at him fiercely.
ÒYou knew? YouÕve seen this
before and you didnÕt tell me?Ó
She thoroughly prepared herself for a verbal assault on the apologetic
looking vampire, but before she could continue he began shaking his head.
ÒJusÕ tonight, Buffy. Never
saw it before tonight. But,
when sheÉwhile I wasÉback in the cryptÉshe was holding me and I wasÉÓ He
stopped in frustration and Buffy amazed them both by touching his arm gently
and squeezing it.
ÒYou were grieving for Dru.
I was there, remember?Ó
ÒWere you?Ó he asked with the familiar tilt to his head and a
penetrating stare.
For a few seconds Dawn was forgotten as his eyes challenged her to be
honest about what sheÕd been doing at his home. In the face of his clear gaze, BuffyÕs intended excuses for
not comforting him herself died on her lips.
ÒNot in the way you needed me to be,Ó she whispered, dropping her
head. ÒIÕm sorry, Spike. I just didnÕt know what to say or do.Ó
He nodded once, acknowledging her honesty without excusing her behavior.
ÒThe Bit was there, Slayer.
Turns out she was just what I needed anyway.Ó
A pang of jealousy sliced through BuffyÕs hard-won indifference to the
vampire before she could swallow it enough to speak.
ÒSo it seems,Ó she choked out.
ÒYou seem much better now.Ó
ÒI AM much better, Buffy.
Which brings me back to the BitÕs imitation of a green light bulb. Something happened down there while she
was holding me. DonÕt know what it
was, but suddenly it wasnÕt Dawn any more. Or not jusÕ Dawn, anyway. When she finished being all green and glowy, I wasnÕt
hurting anymore. Somehow she took
the worst of it away and left me just like I was before I felt Dru dust.Ó
ÒSo, green, glowy Dawn made you happy again?Ó Even as she said the
words, Buffy was cringing inside.
He wasnÕt happy before Dru dusted.
She knew that. She knew who
was responsible for it.
To his credit, the vampire didnÕt bother to call her on it, just gazed
at her steadily until she looked away in shame. Then he shrugged and answered, ÒI was back to how IÕd
been before. With maybe a little more acceptance of my situation, now that I
think on itÉÓ
Buffy remembered his over-heard defense of her behavior toward him and
inhaled with a soft gasp.
ÒWhat do you think it means?Ó she asked apprehensively. ÒWhatÕs happening to Dawn? Is she turning back into the Key?Ó The fear in BuffyÕs voice sparked an
automatic reaction in the vampire, and he put his arms around her in a
reassuring hug before either of them realized what was happening.
ÒAh, no, love. WeÕre not
going to let that happen. Not
going to let her leave us. I
promise.Ó
Rather than throwing him off, as heÕd expected, she leaned into his
comforting embrace briefly before shame at her own lack of empathy earlier in
the night made her recoil with self-disgust.
His face closed down to hide the agony her rejection evoked, but not
before sheÕd seen the pain.
ÒOh, God, Spike!Ó Buffy
reached toward the retreating vampire, not sure what she wanted to say or do,
but knowing she couldnÕt let him think she was rejecting him.
ÒÕS, alright, Slayer. Just
forgot myself there for a second.
WonÕt happen again.Ó
Waves of self-loathing and hatred roiled through the slayerÕs body as
she thought about the ways sheÕd used and damaged the man in front of her. She clenched her arms around her
stomach and moaned with genuine pain at her own inability to say or do anything
to make him feel better.
Telling herself he was better off without her, that she wasnÕt worthy of
the admiration and respect he insisted on giving her, she struggled to control
her tears.
ÒSpike, IÑÒ A sound from upstairs interrupted whatever she was going to
say, and she found herself sprinting behind the vampire racing toward DawnÕs
bedroom.
The two blond super-beings burst through the door, only to find a
groggy, but non-glowy Dawn lying on the floor beside her bed.
ÒAre you alright, Bit?Ó
ÒWhat happened? Are you okay?Ó
She peered up at the two anxious people through the hair hanging in her
face.
ÒIÕm fine,Ó she huffed. ÒI
just fell out of bed, thatÕs all.
Sheesh! WhatÕs wrong with you twoÉSpike? What are you doing here in the middle of the night?Ó
ÒWas just checking on you, pet.
Wanted to be sure you got home safe.Ó
His explanation sounded weak even to his own ears.
Giving him a disgusted look, Buffy said with great authority, ÒWe heard
the thump and thought somethingÉbadÉmight have happened to you.Ó
She stared at them in disbelief.
ÒAnd, I repeat, what is wrong with you? I fall out of bed all the time. Suddenly I need super-strong people to help me get back
in?Ó
She trained blue lazers on the vampire shuffling his feet near her
door. ÒWhy did you follow me
home? What made you think I
wouldnÕt be okay?Ó She turned
toward her equally embarrassed sister,
ÒAnd why arenÕt you asleep yet?
What were you doing downstairs with Spike?Ó
Dawn couldnÕt prevent the little tinge of hope in her voice as she
looked at the two people she loved most and wondered if they had somehow healed
the rift between them without her intervention. A hope that was smashed when they began to argue about
whether they should tell her what theyÕd seen.
She listened impatiently for several minutes until the argument looked
like it might get physical, then she gave a piercing shriek that halted all conversation
and brought Willow and Tara running from their room.
ÒAll right. Now that I can
hear myself think, somebody needs to tell me what is going on. Either that, or get out of my bedroom
so I can go back to sleep!Ó With
as much dignity as she could, Dawn got off the floor and climbed back into her
bed, sitting up and crossing her arms over her chest.
Spike and Buffy exchanged looks that lasted long enough for Willow and
Tara to begin to clear their throats.
They were taken aback when Dawn hissed at them and waved her hand for
silence as Buffy and Spike appeared oblivious to anyone else in the room.
ÒI guess we should tell her,Ó Buffy finally said quietly.
ÒItÕs only fair, pet,Ó he agreed, stepping closer to her.
Dawn held her breath as it looked briefly as if he was going to touch
BuffyÕs hair with his upraised hand.
She let out a little sigh of disappointment when he dropped it to his
side and Buffy turned away, biting her lip.
ÒOkay, letÕs have it. Why
am I suddenly all center-of-attention girl?Ó
At BuffyÕs nod, Spike stepped to the bed and sat down next to the
puzzled teenager asking, ÒDo you remember that neat little trick you pulled off
in my crypt earlier?Ó
Buffy shushed WillowÕs barely started question and waved the two witches
away from the bed. She watched
DawnÕs narrowed eyes and nervous sidelong glances at the other people in the
room.
ÒYou TOLD?Ó Her sisterÕs
voice quivered with righteous teenage anger at the seeming betrayal.
ÒDidnÕt have to, love,Ó Spike attempted to sooth her. ÒWas a little more to it than just what
we talked about, and when I got here, your sis was seeing the same thing I
saw.Ó
Dawn shot a look at a nodding Buffy. ÒWhat was there to see? You didnÕt say anything about seeing stuff Ð just that I
made you feel better.Ó
ÒYou glowed,Ó he said softly.
ÒYou glowed green. Could
feel it all around me, pulling the pain out. Was why I followed you home. DidnÕt know what was going on or if it might have hurt you.Ó
ÒSo, why did you tell Buffy,Ó
she asked petulantly, trying to smother the first taste of fear that she might
not be in control of her body.
ÒWhy didnÕt you tell me first?Ó
ÒI saw you, Dawn,Ó Buffy spoke up and moved to sit on DawnÕs other
side. ÒThe light was shining out
from under your door and I came in to see what was happening to you. You were glowing while you slept. All green andÉandÉglowly,Ó she finished
lamely.
ÒI fixed Spike,Ó Dawn said abruptly. ÒSo it has to be a good thing, right? This canÕt be anything bad, can
it?Ó She looked from the vampire
and the slayer to the two puzzled witches.
ÒYou fixed Spike?Ó Willow asked slowly.
ÒDru dusted tonight,Ó the vamplre said tightly, his voice carefully
under control. ÒI was a bitÉdistraught.Ó
He caught the incredulous looks at his use of a Giles-type word and
grimaced. ÒItÕs not like I never
got an education,Ó he grumbled to no one in particular before going back to his
explanation for the witches.
ÒWhile Dawn was hugging me, sheÉchangedÉÓ He looked quickly at the girl
to see if she was still afraid, but she was just calmly waiting for him to go
on, nothing on her face but curiosity.
ÒWe were
surrounded by this soft green light andÉand she just pulled the pain right out
of me. Could almost feel the rip
in my heart mending. And, when I
looked at herÉ.Ó He let his voice trail off, reluctant to tell Dawn that heÕd
seen someone or something else staring back at him from her eyes.
Tara studied Dawn intently for a few minutes, and then said softly, ÒI can see it.Ó
ÒWhat? What can you see?Ó The fear in BuffyÕs voice reminded them
that regardless of how much better Spike felt, this was not necessarily a
positive event.
Tara smiled gently.
ÒNothing bad. ItÕs just
that her aura has picked up a definite green glow. It looksÉit looks very much like that of a healer,Ó she
finished quickly. ÒMy motherÕs
aura looked like that. But DawnÕs
is much more defined. There is a
lot of power in there. A lot of
power.Ó
Everyone missed the anger that flashed briefly across WillowÕs face at
the suggestion that someone other than herself might be able to wield mystical
powers. The anger came and went
quickly as she remembered that Dawn was, in spite of the memories they all
carried around, not your average teenager.
ÒYou mean I could help other people? Not just Spike?
Could I help anybody I care about?Ó She looked directly at her sister as she asked the question
and Buffy squirmed uncomfortably beside her.
ÒYou canÕt fix me,Ó she whispered, even as from the other side she heard
SpikeÕs warning, ÒBit, you promisedÉÓ
ÒIÕm sure once you learn to use it, you could help just about
anyone. IÉI could get you
startedÉÓ Tara offered timidly. ÒAt least until we can find someone who knows
more about what else a Key might be able to do.Ó
ÒThat would be great!Ó Dawn
was almost bouncing on the bed in her enthusiasm. ÒCan we start now?Ó
ÒUh, I was thinking more likeÉtomorrow? After classes?Ó
Tara was taken aback at DawnÕs excitement and wondered if she was
promising something she wasnÕt going to be able to deliver.
ÒOh,Ó Dawn sighed in disappointment. ÒOkay. I guess
it can waitÉÓ she looked sideways at her older sister who was glaring at her
suspiciously. ÒMaybe I can practice on my own a littleÉÓ
Buffy jumped to her feet and immediately began to shoo everyone out of
the room.
ÒOkaaaay. WeÕre all good
here, right? DawnÕs not going to
spontaneously combust. TaraÕs
going to help her learn to healÉÓ
ÒIÕll call Fred tomorrow and see if anybody at Angel Investigations
might know something about interdimensional keys,Ó Willow volunteered eagerly,
ignoring SpikeÕs growl.
Buffy surprised herself and him by punching him lightly on the arm and
saying, ÒWhat do you have to growl about? If it wasnÕt for Angel, youÕd still
be sitting in your cryptÑÒ
Her sentence was cut off by a cool hand over her mouth and she looked at
the vampire with wide eyes.
He dropped his hand quickly, muttering, ÒNo need to tell the whole world
what a ponce I am, Slayer. It was just habit. I hear, ÔAngelÕ, I growl. ItÕs a thing.Ó
Before her sister and the vampire could move apart or get into another
fight, Dawn grabbed each of them by the hand and held on tightly. She waited until Tara and Willow had
gone back to their room before pulling them back down beside her on the
bed.
ÒYou know I love you both very much, donÕt you?Ó she asked earnestly,
looking back and forth between them.
ÒI love you too, Dawnie,Ó Buffy said, looking at her with
confusion. ÒAnd so does Spike,Ó
she added, her lips twitching when the vampire stared at her with his mouth
open.
ÒThen do you have any idea how hard it is for me to watch you hurt him?Ó
she asked, squeezing SpikeÕs hand when he tried to interrupt her.
ÒDawnÉ this really isnÕtÉÓ Buffy was too shocked to think clearly and
through habit she looked to the vampire for help.
ÒBit,Ó he said firmly, ÒWhatever it is you think youÕre seeing, itÕs
between the Slayer and me.
Back off.Ó
She ignored him and fixed piercing blue eyes on her sister. ÒDo you LIKE being so cruel?Ó she
demanded. ÒIs this how you want to
be? The kind of woman you want to
be?Ó
Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip. She could hear SpikeÕs warning rumble from behind Dawn and
felt a flash of gratitude at his support.
ÒLook, Dawn. I came back
wrong, okay? This is me now Ð IÉI
donÕt like myself very much sometimesÉÓ She was careful not to look at Spike as
she spoke, but she felt his flinch.
ÒÉbut itÕs how I am.
SomethingÕs missing. You
canÕt fix it, cause itÕs not broken.
ItÕs just not there.Ó
Dawn stared at Buffy with open dismay, tears springing into her eyes as
she absorbed what Buffy was putting into words for the first time.
ÒThatÉthatÕs not true. I
wonÕt let it be true! IÕll learn
how to channel or manipulate or whatever I have to do to be all glowy-girl
again and IÕll make it better. IÕll make YOU better. And youÕll be happy Buffy again, and you wonÕt keep hurting
Spike and then heÕll be happy, and ÉÓ Her lower lip came out and the tears ran
down her face as she looked back and forth between BuffyÕs sadly resigned face
and the vampireÕs anguished one.
Buffy just shrugged and turned to leave, while Spike stared after her,
his horrified look telling Dawn that BuffyÕs words had meant something more to
him than they had to her.
ÒWhat does she mean, she came back wrong?Ó she demanded of the vampire. ÒSheÕs not wrong. Not like when I tried to bring
Mom-- SheÕs not wrong!Ó
ÒNo, Bit, she isnÕt,Ó he said firmly, staring at BuffyÕs rigid back and
willing her to believe him. ÒItÕs
just something some stupid git said to her one time. ItÕs not true.
SheÕs perfect. Just like
she always was.Ó
Even as Buffy was shaking her head in denial, the vampire was moving to
stand behind her. He tentatively put his arms around her and pulled her lightly
against his chest as he whispered in her ear, ÒYou know itÕs not true, love.
Even I didnÕt believe it. I was
just trying to get a rise out of you. Never thought youÕd take it to heart like
that. IÕm sorry, Buffy. ItÕs not true. Never true.Ó
ÒOf course itÕs true,Ó she responded, choking back a sob. ÒIf it wasnÕt,
I would neverÉhow could I treat youÉthere has to be something wrong with me.
There has to!Ó
Dawn watched fearfully as the two most important people in her life
stood together having the conversation she wanted them to have but of which she
feared the result. When it
appeared that Buffy would pull away from SpikeÕs whispered attempts to restore
her faith in her own goodness, Dawn leapt off the bed and wrapped her long arms
around both them. She squirmed
around until she was facing Buffy, effectively trapping the slayer between
herself and the vampire.
When Spike tried to pull away from the sisterly embrace, she grabbed his
arms and pulled him back, stretching as far as she could in an attempt to keep
her arms around both of them. Just
as it had in SpikeÕs crypt, the pain pouring off the two was so palpable that
she could feel it entering her own body.
Without conscious effort, she began to glow again, the soothing aura
expanding to contain all three of them in a cool, green cocoon of energy.
When BuffyÕs tears changed from anger and pain to tears of happiness,
and the vampireÕs anguished expression softened into the adoration with which
he had formerly looked at them both, the green glow began to fade away. It wasnÕt long before a muffled, ÒDawn!
Let me go, I canÕt breathe,Ó forced her to release them with a delighted laugh.
She met the vampireÕs grateful eyes over her much shorter sisterÕs head
and smirked proudly before backing away and pushing them toward the door of her
room.
ÒOkay, IÕm done now. IÕm
going back to bed and you two are going back toÉto whatever youÕd be doing if
you werenÕt standing in my room looking at me like I had three heads.Ó
She flounced to her bed and jumped in, bouncing lightly before she
pulled the covers up and closed her eyes.
Buffy had turned around to watch Dawn, putting her face to face with
Spike and still wrapped in the arms heÕd put around her to prevent her from
leaving the room.
ÒWhat WOULD we be doing at this hour of the night, Spike?Ó she murmured,
softly.
ÒDonÕt know about you, pet, but lately, IÕm usually passed out drunk
around about now,Ó he said wryly.
ÒWhat are you usually doing?Ó
She toyed with the buttons on the front of his shirt, carefully avoiding
his gaze, as she said, ÒIÕm usually in my bed, trying to sleep and wishing I
wasnÕt aloneÉ.Ó
ÒThat ugly little pig not enough company for you, Slayer?Ó he rumbled in
her ear.
ÒMr Gordo is NOT ugly!Ó she hissed indignantly, pulling back slightly
and glaring up to see his eyes laughing at her. ÒAnd HE doesnÕt snore!Ó
ÒHey! I donÕt snore!Ó he responded just as indignantly. ÒI donÕt even breathe!Ó
ÒYou do when youÕre sleeping.Ó
ÒWhich part of IÕm going to sleep now wasnÕt totally clear?Ó came a
whine from the head buried under the pillow on DawnÕs bed.
ÒCome on, love. LetÕs leave
the human light bulb to get her beauty sleep,Ó he whispered in BuffyÕs ear as
he urged her toward the door.
ÒSheÕs going to need it, what with all that green stuff all over her
andÉÓ
ÒI can
HEAR you!Ó
The former, and perhaps future, Key listened to the sound of her door
closing and her sisterÕs bedroom door opening and closing; then fell asleep
with a satisfied smile on her face.
The end.
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