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ONE, TWO, THREE AND YOU’RE ...INVISIBLE? September 8, 2006

by Slaymesoftly

Season VI

Rating- R

Word Count 6100

Not my characters. All hail Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, et al

For the October Entry of 12 Months of BtVS – the NerdTrio

ONE, TWO, THREE AND YOU’RE…INVISIBLE?

“Why are you helping the vampire?” Jonathan asked as he rescued Boba Fett.

“Yeah, isn’t he supposed to be, like, harmless or something?”

“Did he LOOK harmless to you?” Warren snarled as he carefully checked the action figure for damage.

“Actually, he looked kind of…lean and muscular and…” Andrew’s voice trailed off and his eyes glazed over.

“Focus! You pervert! That’s the Slayer’s pet vampire. The more we know about him, the more we know about her.”

“I could follow him around,” Andrew volunteered eagerly. “Maybe I could make friends with him. Become buddies? Pal around…have sleepovers…” His voice trailed off again and Warren whacked him on the back of the head with a book.

“Stay with us, virgin. We have important plotting to do. Now here’s my plan…”

“Hey! You said I could come up with the next plan! It’s my turn!” Jonathan drew himself up to his full five feet, two inches and glared at his larger friend.

“It’s MY basement,” Warren said haughtily. “My basement, my rules. And I say it’s MY turn.”

“I thought it was my turn,” Andrew interjected with a whine.

“No!” The immediate and duplicate rejections sent him off to a corner to pout and watch porn on his laptop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The black van crept silently down the darkened alley, lights off and engine barely running. Ahead of it, a petite blond girl was being accosted by a thuggish-looking man in a leather duster.

“Look! It’s the Slayer and Spike. They look like they’re arguing. We should get closer so we can hear them.”

“We can’t get any closer. The vampire will hear us or smell us, or something. Whatever it is that vampires do to find their prey.”

“Prey? We’re prey?” Andrew’s voice was squeaky.

“No, asshole. THEY’RE prey. Our prey. I’m just saying, he might be able to sense us if we get too close…”

“Shhh!” Warren glared at his arguing gang members. “I can’t hear what they’re saying, dammit!”

At the other end of the alley, Buffy moved up closer to Spike and glared into his equally angry eyes.

“Are you sure it’s them back there? Maybe it’s just a van full of ordinary burglars, waiting for us to leave so they can steal something.”

“Steal what from where, Slayer?” he asked. “Rat turds from one of these empty houses? I’m telling you, that’s the same van that was parked in the driveway of robot-boy’s house. And it’s following you. Has been all night.”

“How do you know it’s been following me all night?” She tried to ignore the way the vampire’s cool breath stirring her hair was making her heart race.

“Was watching you,” he mumbled, turning away to allow her a good look at his sharply defined cheekbones and pouting lower lip.

“Oh”

After several uncomfortable minutes of standing only inches apart, the Slayer finally asked timidly, “What do you think might make them come closer?”

“I guess if they thought we were too wrapped up in something else to notice them….”

“Good idea. So, we’re going to fight then?”

The vampire rolled his eyes and growled. “Not exactly what I had in mind, but I guess it could work.”

“Maybe we can make them follow us into one of the buildings?”

“Sure, pet. We can do that. Ready?”

“Ready.”

His sharp jab to her face snapped her head back and she quickly counterpunched, before stopping to stare at him in dismay.

“Your chip! It didn’t go off. You really hit me and it didn’t go off!”

“Oh yeah,” he grinned, advancing on her and hitting her again. “Forgot to mention that. It doesn’t work on you, Slayer.”

“Oh good! Then I don’t have to feel guilty about this Whack! and this Punch! or even this Kick!”

Spike fell back through the sagging door of a nearby building and grinned as Buffy launched herself through the door to land on top of him. He took a few seconds to enjoy the feeling of her warm, feminine body pressing down on his before flipping her over his head. She turned in mid-air, landing on her feet like a cat, the joy of battle in her eyes.

As soon as the two combatants disappeared into the building, the black van moved up the alley and halted just outside. After much daring of each other and threatening, the three nerds squeezed out the door together and crept toward the door. The sounds of breaking wood and flesh hitting flesh reassured them that the Slayer’s focus would be somewhere else and they tiptoed into the first room.

Hiding carefully behind a moldy couch, and jostling for position, they watched eagerly as Spike and Buffy exchanged blows and insults. Most of the verbal abuse made no sense to the watching boys, but they did make careful note that the vampire seemed to be perfectly able to hurt the Slayer with no side effects.

“Do you think that means you were wrong? His chip isn’t working any more?” Jonathan whispered.

“Shhhhhh! How the hell would I know what it means? Maybe she’s not normal or something.”

Buffy knocked Spike to the floor in the next room and threw herself through the doorway to land on top of him. He instinctively caught her flying body and used his arms to lower her gently until she was resting lightly atop his hard body.

“Did it work?” she barely breathed, knowing his vampire hearing would be able to pick up her voice.

“Yeah, it worked,” he breathed back, his cool breath tickling her ear and raising goosebumps all over her body. “They’re hidin’ behind that old couch.”

He relaxed his arms just enough that her full weight was pressing down on him and he sighed unconsciously when he felt her tremble against him. For several seconds the watching trio was forgotten as the two blonds tried to pretend they weren’t feeling the things that they so obviously were feeling.

“P—people…nerds…watching…”Buffy finally gasped, reluctantly pushing herself upright. Which had the unfortunate effect of driving her lower body into Spike’s unmistakable reaction to her.

“Right, pet,” he groaned, pushing his hips up even as he released his grip on her arms. “Can’t let them see…anything…between us.”

“There IS nothing between us, Spike!” She recoiled at the suggestion and jumped to her feet.

“Yes, there was, Slayer,” he smirked, curling his tongue at her. “Too bloody much stuff, if you ask me,” he added, gesturing to his jeans and her skirt.

With an angry snort, she tossed him back into the living room, smothering a laugh at the terrified “eep!” from one of the nerds hiding very close to where Spike had hit the wall.

There were the sounds of scuffling as Jonathan and Warren tried to pummel Andrew for making noise and Spike rolled his eyes at their incompetence. He kipped back to his feet and advanced on Buffy, threats and innuendos filling the air between them. She snarled back at him convincingly, embarrassment at having been almost caught enjoying an inappropriate moment with the vampire fueling her anger.

Her responses to his goading became more personal and nastier as she forgot that the trio of misfits were watching and took out her frustration over the way he made her feel on his face and body. When her latest salvo brought a gasped, “I’m in love with you!” from the bleeding vampire lying on the brick hearth, there was an audible gasp from the other side of the room.

“You’re in love with pain,” Buffy responded, ignoring in her anger the fact that the nerds were watching and listening.

With them both now obviously caught up in their own issues and oblivious to their audience, the three watching boys cautiously raised their heads the better to see what was going on. There was a collective gasp when they saw Buffy grab Spike and fasten her mouth on his.

Alternately ducking down and standing up as the now clearly making-out super-strong blonds crashed their way around the room, they watched in awe and more than a little envy. They bobbed up and down like yoyos until Spike looked over at the right time and flashed his fangs at them.

“You’ve got three seconds to get out of here,” he snarled around his teeth.

When the girl climbing his body added her own lethal glare to his amber stare, they broke for the door, squealing like baby pigs. Tripping and shoving in an attempt to be first out the door and into the van, they fell out into the alley and crawled quickly to their black refuge.

“Did you SEE that?” Andrew asked, his eyes glazed. “They were kissing! The Slayer and Spike were kissing! He was kissing her. She was kissing him. They were kissing each other…”

Jonathan’s expression was wistful. “She’s so pretty. I wonder why she keeps wanting to kiss vampires instead of real boys…er, men. Real, live men. With high IQ’s and …”

“Will you two groupies stop drooling and focus? We can use this. This is dynamite stuff! We can---what the hell????”

“Ooooh, I think they’re fighting again,” Andrew squeaked as the building shook and drywall dust drifted out the open door.

“They must be. Look at the way that building’s being torn apart,” Warren agreed. “Maybe the kissing was an accident. Maybe they did it to fool us…”

“It fooled me,” Jonathan muttered, cringing as a heavy beam crashed into the wall in front of them sending bricks into the alley.

“May…maybe we should get out of here?” Andrew asked timidly. “In case they come back out here and are still really mad?”

“The idiot has a point,” Warren agreed reluctantly. “Let’s go back to the lair and analyze what we’ve seen tonight. There’s got to be a way we can use this.”

An hour later, they still had not come up with any way to impact the Slayer by their having seen her kissing Spike. With the vampire’s chip apparently not working, none of them was willing to risk his wrath by confronting him about what they’d seen. Not to mention, the sight of the building being knocked down while the two super beings worked out their differences made blackmailing the Slayer a very unpopular option.

Andrew ignored the discussion going on between Warren and Jonathan as he played on his laptop with Photoshop. Eventually, when they had asked him for a response several times, the other two walked over to see what he was doing. The skinny blond boy’s eyes were glazed and he appeared to be hypnotized by the screen.

“What’s so….shit!” Warren’s voice changed to a squeak as he got into position behind the heavily-breathing Andrew and saw what he was watching. On the screen were two naked people having vigorous and kinky sex - wearing the heads of Buffy Summers and William the Bloody.

“How did you-- What is—Can you make me one of those?” Jonathan’s attention was riveted to the writhing figures on the screen. Intellectually he knew that the big breasted woman panting on top of the large, muscular man was not the petite slayer he’d gone to high school with. But with her face smiling happily at him, it wasn’t all that hard to get lost in the fantasy.

“Sure,’ Andrew smirked. “It’s easy. I just took Buffy’s yearbook picture and a picture of Spike I got off the internet and fixed them to one of my videos. Pretty cool, huh?”

“You know what would be even cooler?” Warren asked rhetorically, a far away look in his eye. He ignored the two younger boys who were transfixed by the screen in front of them, and wandered over to his workshop. He hummed to himself as he picked up camera parts, put them down and then began looking through a catalog of spy equipment.

Chapter two

A week later, not only were cameras in place everywhere the Slayer and vampire were likely to be, but their new invisibility ray had accidentally removed any trace of Buffy. They watched in frustration as something slammed Spike around his crypt, ripping off his shirt and creating a look of ecstasy on his face.

It’s her! It’s got to be her,” Jonathan babbled while Andrew stared at the vampire’s bare torso with drool trickling out of the corner of his mouth.

“Naked,” he choked out. “She’s going to get him naked. There go his pants!” The boy’s voice rose to a shrill cry as it became obvious that the vampire did not wear underwear.

“Are we recording?” Warren’s voice was frantic as he checked all the monitors. “Are we getting this?”

“What is there to get?” Jonathan mourned. “She’s not visible. All we can see is a vampire having a…really…really…good…gah!”

“When the ray wears off, we’ll be able to see. It should wear off soon. Won’t it wear off soon? It’s got to wear off soooooon!”

Andrew’s voice was a pitiful wail as Spike fell to the floor on top of something, leaving just his churning buttocks and muscular back visible. When he rose to his feet and stumbled clumsily toward an open sarcophagus, they all held their breaths. Clearly he was carrying something in front of him as his arms were wrapped around apparently open air and he kept licking a spot in front of his face. Breathy moans could be heard over the hidden microphone and there were matching groans from the suddenly dry throats of all three watchers.

When Spike disappeared into the sarcophagus, leaving the camera to pan an empty room containing nothing more interesting than a ripped shirt and discarded jeans, there were strangled complaints from all three boys.

“Where’d they go? Where’d they go?” Jonathan’s panic was contagious.

“I don’t know. I don’t know!” Andrew’s wail was piercing and tears flowed down his cheeks.

“Stop screaming! Let me think! Let me think! We can fix this…We just need to…” Warren stopped and took a deep breath. “We just need to get the camera down that hole. We need to put it where they are.”

The other two boys stopped wailing long enough to gasp. “How are we going to do that? Spike will kill us.”

“Spike is busy right now. He’ll never notice we’re there if we’re careful.”

“What do you mean, he won’t notice? He’s a VAMPIRE for god’s sake! He’ll hear us or smell us or something.”

“He’s in the middle of humping the Slayer. Do you really think he’s going to notice us? Would you?” he fixed a stern glare on Jonathan and Andrew. “Would either of you notice anything short of an earthquake?”

When there was no response but embarrassed shuffling and glazed expressions as each went to a place where they were naked and writhing with their chosen partner, Warren continued, “So come on, ladies. Let’s get to the cemetery and move that camera while those two are still preoccupied. Then we’ll just come home, sit back and watch our own little porn channel. Piece of cake, I promise.”

Hissing at each other to be quiet, and picking their way through the headstones of Restfield cemetery, the trio did their best to sneak up on Spike’s crypt silently. They tiptoed through the open door, alert for any sign that the Slayer or her vampire might be present. Growls and moans from the lower level told them that their two fantasy objects were still busy and they quickly moved to grab the camera.

The three nervous boys approached the open sarcophagus, their camera now on a pole and leaned over to look into the surprisingly plush bedroom below. They were just in time to hear a scream of ecstasy from the invisible Buffy and a roar of fulfillment from the vampire she was apparently riding. Into the sudden silence, broken only by Buffy’s gasps for air and Spike’s muttered, “Bloody hell”s, their own heartbeats seemed suddenly very loud.

Without changing the expression on his face, Spike pulled Buffy down and rolled her to the side where he pulled the sheet up over her.

“What are you doing?” she mumbled into his chest. “I’m not cold.”

“Think we’ve got company, pet,” he whispered into her ear, throwing one leg over hers and partially covering her with his body. “Don’t want them looking at you.”

She cocked an invisible eyebrow at him and said calmly, “I AM still invisible, aren’t I?”

“True,” he admitted, relaxing a little. “Still….”

“Seems to me you’re the one who should be covering up,” she purred, running a warm hand up the inside of his thigh and eliciting a groan.

“Don’t care if they see me,” he gasped, pushing into her hand. “Jus’ don’t want them looking at you.”

“They can’t see me,” she giggled, sliding the sheet off and running her mouth down his chest. “All they can see is you.”

Spike’s eyes crossed and he forgot all about the watchers as Buffy’s mouth continued its trip down his body until it came to an obstacle. While her mouth worked to bring curses and encouragement from the vampire, the sight of his naked body on the bed pushing his hips up into empty air had the sex-deprived trio panting along with him.

As though they were mentally connected, all three unzipped their pants and began to masturbate vigorously as they watch Spike groan and writhe below them.

So wrapped up were they in their own fantasies, they failed to notice Xander’s arrival and subsequent curious approach. The boy was right behind them before he realized what they were doing and peered down into the room below to see Spike now under the sheet and moving up and down in a suspiciously familiar fashion.

“What the hell are you doing, Spike?” he said aloud, startling Warren into losing his balance and tumbling head first down into the room below. Before the other two could react, Xander tossed them down to join their friend and descended himself.

“I SO don’t want to know what you were doing,” he said, trying not to look at the now naked vampire as he sat up on the edge of the bed.

“Are you starin’ at my manly bits, Harris?” Spike asked with a grin.

“Well, I wouldn’t be if you—and no! I am not staring at your…anythings. I just came by to ask if you’d seen Buffy and found these guys all peeking down here and jerking off.”

Both men turned to stare at the embarrassed and increasingly frightened boys who were busy trying to shove their dwindling erections down into their pants and zip up.

“You boys see anything you liked?” the vampire growled in his most terrifying voice. Xander looked at him with renewed respect for a second, before he remembered that he was the bigger man and that Spike couldn’t hurt him.

“Nothing!” squeaked Jonathan. “We saw nothing!”

“That’s right,” Andrew agreed quickly. “We didn’t see you and we definitely didn’t see the Slay—ow!” Warren’s quick whack on the back of his head stopped him, but not before Xander began to choke with laughter.

“Of course you didn’t see the Slayer, you morons. What would she be doing down here? Not that you’d see her right now, anyway, because she’s…but, anyway she wouldn’t be down here. In Spike’s bedroom. While he’s naked…”

“Exactly!” Spike quickly agreed. “Did you say she’s missing? You can’t find her?”

“Well, yeah, she’s kinda…” he cocked an eye at the nervous trio and whispered, “invisible.”

“Really?” Spike flicked his hand behind him as though brushing off a pesky bug. For a second, Xander thought he’d heard a giggle; then he shook his head and started toward the stairs.

“Yeah. Really. We need to find her before something bad happens,. But I guess you’re too busy here with your…whatever.”

“If I see her, I’ll be sure to give you a shout,” Spike said, trying to wrap the sheet around himself and losing an apparent tug of war with the bed.

“What do you mean, IF you see her?” Warren’s indignant shout brought the attention back to him. “You know damn good and well she’s right h—“

One of Spike’s Doc Martins flew through the air and hit the nerd leader in the temple; dropping him like a fly. Andrew and Jonathan wore identical expressions of horror as a second boot left the floor and began to bob up and down as though being hefted in someone’s hand.

Xander was busy staring at Warren’s inert body and missed the mysteriously levitating boot. By the time he turned back around, Spike had knocked it to the floor and finished wrapping the sheet around himself. He walked toward the rapidly retreating carpenter, edging him toward the ladder and out of his bedroom.

“Okay, okay, I’m going. Keep your naked body parts away from me.” He started up the ladder and looked down over his shoulder to see the sheet moving in the front even though the vampire’s hands were in plain view. Looking at the tented sheet moving slowly up and down, he made a disgusted face and said, “Man, you really need to get a girl friend.”

As soon as the young man was out of sight, Spike growled and snatched the sheet off, wrapping it around the air in front of him. “Jus’ keep this on until we get rid of these three wankers,” he said. “Just in case that invisible stuff wears off.”

“It’s a ray,” Jonathan ventured helpfully. “We invented it. We were just practicing with it. We didn’t mean to hit her…you,” he amended, looking at the sheet and blushing.

“Well how long is it going to last?” Buffy’s voice held more curiosity than anger and the two still conscious members of the gang relaxed a little.

“Uh, we don’t know exactly. But we can reverse it! If you really want to,” he finished with a glance at Spike.

“How?”

“We would have to go back to our la- Warren’s basement and get the gun. Then we just reverse the field and shoot you again.”

“Nobody’s shootin’ anybody,” Spike growled, advancing on the boys. Jonathan cast a pleading glance in what he thought was Buffy’s general direction while Andrew stood mesmerized by the lean muscular body prowling toward him. His eyes fell to Spike’s semi-erect cock and drool began to run from the corners of his mouth. Suddenly he was lying on the floor clutching his mid-section and struggling for air.

“Don’t you EVER look at him like that!” came the angry hiss from right in front of him.

Unable to speak until his diaphragm began functioning again, all Andrew could do was nod his head vigorously in assent as the invisible Slayer tapped her foot impatiently.

She whirled in time to catch Spike’s delighted grin as he witnessed her obvious jealousy.

“What?” she demanded.

“Nothing, pet,”’ he said, moving unerringly toward where he could smell her skin and feel the heat emanating from her body. “It’s jus’ you’re cute when you’re all possessive like that.” He pulled her in against him and nibbled on her neck until whimpers from the boys on the floor reminded him they had an audience. With a resigned sigh, he pushed her away and put on a pair of jeans he pulled from a drawer.

“Right then,” he growled, pushing her toward the ladder. “Go get your clothes on and let’s get this sorted out before Harris’s brain engages and he figures out what was going on here.”

“Do you think they’re going to tell?” Buffy tried to keep her voice casual, but he could hear the worry in it.

“Not if they know what’s good for them,” he snarled, flashing his fangs at the now-awake Warren and his two minions.

“Tell what?” “Tell who?” “I don’t know anything.” The assurances tumbled out of their mouths as they gaped at the now fully vamped out and apparently no longer harmless demon.

“Exactly,” he growled in satisfaction, pointing to the ladder and gesturing for them to follow the invisible Slayer.

To the confusion of the trio of would-be voyeurs, Spike went right to where Buffy was apparently standing and slipped an arm across her shoulders.

“I’m going to go through the sewers alone, pet,” he whispered. “You stick with them. I don’t trust those wankers not to try something. Don’t let anybody point anything at you until I’m there to keep an eye on ‘em.”

Taking full advantage of her invisibility, Buffy slipped her own arm around his waist and leaned against him, nuzzling her nose into his shirt.

“Stupid nerds,” she grumbled. “Stupid Xander. I wasn’t ready to leave yet.”

“Can always come back later, love. I’m not kicking you out. I just don’t want you turning visible again at the wrong time.”

“Hey! Maybe I should just stay invisible!” she said with a sudden burst of enthusiasm. “How scary would that be for the vamps if they couldn’t see me coming?”

“Oh, good plan, Slayer!” Warren agreed so quickly and eagerly that his own minions were surprised. They looked at him curiously, but he didn’t elaborate, just beamed in Buffy’s general direction. “Think how much more effective you’ll be if the bad guys can’t see you.”

Spike peered at him suspiciously and growled, “You’re too bloody eager for that possibility, robot-boy. Why don’t you three wankers take yourselves back to the bat cave and the Slayer and I will meet you there.”

Looking slightly disappointed, Warren nodded and pushed the other two boys toward the door of the crypt. He stooped to pick up his camera, but quickly dropped it when a guttural snarl ripped from vampire’s throat.

“Heh, just kidding,” he said with a sickly smile. “You want it, it’s yours. No problem. No sirree, no problem at all. Enjoy.”

As soon as they were outside of the crypt and had moved what Warren felt was far enough away that Spike wouldn’t be able to hear them, he stopped and whirled on his two followers.

“Remember what happened to those mice?” he asked. “The ones we didn’t turn visible again?”

“Ugh!” said Andrew, making a face. “They all dissolved into gooey puddles with hair.”

“Exactly!” Warren exclaimed triumphantly. “If the Slayer stays invisible, she’ll eventually dissolve, just like those mice. Problem solved – no more Slayer, no more interference with our plans to take over Sunnydale.”

While Jonathan stared at his friend in horror, Andrew said nervously, “Won’t Spike be kinda mad? I mean, he looks like he has a really bad temp-“

“He’ll be so busy worrying about what’s happening to his girlfriend he won’t have time to think about us. And when she’s dead, he’ll probably just go out and get drunk and we can stake him while he’s passed out somewhere. This is going to be the answer to our prayers. You’ll see.”

Warren strode off confidently toward his house, the other two boys hurrying along behind him and exchanging worried looks and whispers.

“We can’t let him kill Buffy,” Jonathan hissed through his teeth. “This place would be overrun with vampires and demons in no time.”

“Not to mention, if the Slayer’s dead, Spike might leave town!” Andrew’s terror at that possibility came through even in a whisper.

Jonathan rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure which of you is the bigger idiot,” he mumbled. “But at least you’re not a dangerous idiot.” He shivered as a cloud suddenly blocked the sun and he felt a chill.

“I am too dangerous!” the blond boy protested. “I can summon demons and I’ve been a vampire’s crypt and lived to tell the tale.”

“What are you two ladies arguing about?”

“Nothing!”

“Nothing!”

Warren glared at them suspiciously, but when he saw them wearing their usual subservient expressions, he relaxed and clapped them both on the shoulders.

“Come on, guys! We’re going to rule Sunnydale! We’ll take what and who we want, live like kings, drink champagne….what? What do you want Andrew?” he growled, annoyed at having his speech interrupted by the other boy’s waving hand.

“Can I have Spike?” he asked timidly. “Ow! That wasn’t nice Jonathan! You don’t want Spike, you want the Slayer. Why did you hit me?”

“I didn’t hit you, you moron. You hit me!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!” “Did too!” “Moron!” “Meanie!”

The argument dissolved into a slapping, pinching, hair-pulling fight, which ended only when Warren grabbed each of them by an ear and pulled them upright. Without saying anything, he continued his march toward his house, pulling the now yelling and complaining boys along with him. He didn’t let go of their ears until they were at his basement door, by which time they were both swinging ineffectually at him rather than each other.

Upon entering the basement, they all three raced for the invisibility gun, only to be met by the gun’s sudden rise into the air all by itself.

“This can’t be good,” Jonathan muttered, moving so that Warren’s larger body was between him and the floating gun.

There was silence for several minutes as the boys took in the implications of what they were seeing. Eventually, Andrew couldn’t contain himself anymore and he ventured, “Slayer? Is that you?”

“Damn well better be, or you’re all snack food,” came the growl from behind them as Spike burst through the door, casting off the blanket he’d used to get from the manhole to the house.

“Eep!” Jonathan’s startled yelp was echoed by the soft curse from their leader when he realized they’d been tricked.

“Think you’re smart, don’t you, Slayer?” Warren snarled at the steady gun floating in air. “Well, that’s not gonna do you much good when you start to dissolve.”

“She’s not going to dissolve, you bloody wanker. You’re going to turn her back visible right now!”

“Who’s going to make me?” Warren’s voice was wary, but confident. “I don’t know why you can hit her, but that chip in your head is working just fine, so I know you can’t hurt us. We can just sit here and wait for her to start to dissolve and drop the gun.”

Spike’s frustrated snarl was cut off, as the gun floated over to him and rested in his hands. He grinned and held it confidently, edging toward the door as he did so.

“What’s so funny?” Warren glanced nervously around the room, no longer able to tell where the Slayer was and wondering at the vampire’s change in demeanor.

“Slayer doesn’t have a chip,” the vampire grinned cheerfully, leaning up against a wall. “ ’an’ I think she’s more than a little brassed off.”

Jonathan and Andrew screamed and ran toward the door, only to find the vampire standing in their way. “Could still kill you both before the headache got too bad,” he said mildly, gesturing for them to go back to the center of the room.

Warren found himself rising into the air, as the painfully strong hand holding his most precious possessions was raised slowly. His high-pitched shriek was painful to the vampire’s ears, and Spike shook his head in agony.

“Easy, Slayer!” he begged. “My ears are gonna start bleedin’.”

“Well it’s not like I’m tall enough to hold him by the neck like you do,” she huffed. Spike could picture the pout on her face and he grinned ruefully.

“I’m sorry, pet. It’s just, that noise he was making…”

“Oh, OK,” she grumbled, as Warren came gratefully back down to the floor. “I’ll think of something else to do.”

“No! No, that’s all right!” he practically screamed. “I’ll turn you back. Right now. Just give me the gun.”

“Don’t think so, Mate,” Spike said calmly. “Why doesn’t one of these poofs show me what to do?” He glanced at the two boys cowering in the middle of the floor and gestured for Jonathan to come over.

The smallest of the nerds edged cautiously toward the vampire, casting looks over his shoulder at the glowering robot builder. It was clear to everyone in the room that Warren was trying to send a mental command to his minion and Spike growled low in his chest when the boy got to him.

“Don’t try anything funny, if you know what’s good for you.”

“Don’t worry,” the boy whispered, “I don’t want anything to happen to Buffy.”

He carefully showed Spike which setting to use to reverse the effects of the ray; then stepped away from the vampire.

“You ready, pet?” Spike looked to where he could hear her heartbeat and sense the heat from her body.

“Yep, all set to be visible Buffy again,” she chirped cheerfully, keeping a tight grip on Warren’s bicep, but stepping away from his body.

Spike pressed the button on the gun and sighed with relief when Buffy popped back in to sight, seemingly none the worse for having spent the entire day invisible. After giving Warren a thorough shaking that rattled his teeth and left him dazed, she walked back over to Spike.

“Now which of those buttons do I push to make something disappear?” she asked curiously.

“Now, Slayer,” he warned. “You don’t want to make these blighters invisible. They cause enough trouble when we can see ‘em”

“Oh, I wasn’t thinking about them.” With a blinding smile, she turned the gun toward the collection of Star Wars figures and fired a stream of light at them. Immediately, they and the table upon which they were sitting winked out of sight. Hoarse shouts came from all three boys as they rushed toward the invisible table, only to scream as they stumbled into it and fell to the floor knocking it over in the process.

“Freeze!” shouted Warren, waving his hands frantically. “We have to do this methodically; one action figure at a time.”

While the panicked trio crawled around on their hands and knees feeling for their collectibles, Buffy turned the gun on the walls and furniture, gradually wiping out everything in front of her.

As she and Spike backed out the door into the advancing twilight, she snorted with laughter at the three wannabes stumbling around the basement, unable to see anything including the door. With a final last burst from the almost exhausted gun, she made the entire house invisible, leaving Warren’s mother standing in her now see-through shower, clutching a towel and screaming her only son’s name.

They were still laughing when they got to Revello Drive and Xander came rushing up to them happily.

“Buffy! You’re back! I mean, not that you were gone, but we couldn’t find you and you were all with the invisibility and…why are you with Spike?”

“He helped me get the bad guys, Xander,” she said cheerfully. “They were the ones that made me invisible, but Spike turned me back and now I’m me again.”

“Well, that was good of him, I suppose,” he said grudgingly, as Spike preened behind Buffy. He glared at the smirking vampire and added in a sarcastic tone, “I guess you were able to tear yourself away from your wet dreams and do something useful about your audience, huh, Spike?”

He beamed at Buffy, sure that telling her what Spike had been up to earlier would create the same disgust in her that he’d felt at watching him pretending to hump an imaginary woman.

Buffy frowned at him and asked, “What are you talking about, Xander? Spike’s been with me all evening.”

“Yeah, but before that, he was getting busy in his crypt. With nobody. He was getting all groiny with an imaginary woman. Unless she was just invisible….ha, ha…ha…ha?”

He stared back and forth between the two blonds standing in almost identical positions with their arms folded and eyebrows raised. His face paled as he realized what he’d just said.

Spike and Buffy turned away and walked toward the house, leaving Xander standing on the sidewalk with his mouth open, shaking his head and moaning, “No, oh no. No, no, noooooooo!”

In the distance, sirens could be heard; heading perhaps toward the missing house in a distant neighborhood.

The end

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