Title – CLOSE ENOUGH (2/24/04)

Author - Slaymesoftly

Rating – PG?

Season VI – what he might have done

Word Count - 1176

Disclaimer – not mine, I would have had him do something like this

Distribution – no problem, just tell me where

Feedback – please!

CLOSE ENOUGH

The Slayer burst into the crypt in her usual take-no-prisoners style; peeling off her jacket as she came through the door. She seemed surprised not to find Spike already naked in the bed. “Hey, come on, Slowpoke. It’s getting late. I have to get home soon,” she threw over her shoulder as she started down the ladder to the bedroom.

The lanky blond vampire shook his head and slowly followed her down to the lower level. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, unzipping her boots and glaring up at him impatiently.

“Spike, let’s go. I don’t have all night, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed. “What if you did have all night, Buffy? What if everyone knew where you were and it was alright to stay here? Would you?

She looked at him blankly. “Well, it wouldn’t be okay! It would be….embarrassing and humiliating and……” She suddenly noticed the look on his face and realized he had visibly flinched at each unpleasant adjective she used to describe what he insisted on calling a relationship.

Buffy rolled her eyes and stopped undressing. “Spike, we’ve been over this before. We’re not in a relationship. We’re just having sex. Admittedly very good sex” --she smiled quickly and peeked to see if he noticed the compliment but his face remained closed and impassive—“but that’s all! It’s wrong on so many levels I can’t count them, and as soon as I can feel more like myself without this…release….the sooner it stops. So, there is no reason to upset everyone by letting them know about it. Just take what you’re getting and enjoy it while you can.”

“Well, there’s the rub, isn’t it, Slayer? I just don’t think I’m enjoying it all that much anymore.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows in disbelief and he smiled slightly as he amended, “Well, can’t say I’m not enjoying the act itself; but I don’t know that it’s worth the pain and misery after. I’m thinkin’ you need to find some other way to get your ‘release’. Something that doesn’t involve ripping my heart out on a regular basis.”

She stopped pulling off her boots and stared at him. “What are you saying? That you want me to leave? That you don’t want me?”

He stared back at her from across the room, his expression hard and cold.

“That’s pretty much it, pet. I’m tired of our little charade, tired of being thumped and insulted by you in public and expected to perform like a machine in private. I’ll always love you – but I don’t think I like you very much any more.”

“But… but, Spike! I need this!”

“You know, love, I don’t think you do. Maybe at first you did – and if coming to me helped you find your way back into the world, then it was more than worth it. But you’re here now because you want to be. You may not love me, but you want me. You’re just too stubborn to admit it. But, have it your way. If you’re so sure all you need is my body, then take this and you’ll never notice the difference.” With that he handed her a small piece of paper with writing on it.

“What’s this?” she demanded.

“It’s Warren’s address,” he said calmly. “ Get him to make you a bot – this one’s out of order.” He turned and went back upstairs to sit down in front of the TV.

Before he could even turn the set on, there was a thoroughly angry Slayer standing between him and his show. “How can you seriously suggest that I…. How could…I wouldn’t…..” She was so furious she sputtered. “Those things aren’t real! They have no feelings. They don’t lo-- It couldn’t…. it wouldn’t….. won’t…..what do you think I am that I would fuck a machine?” Her voice had risen to a shriek.

“I don’t know, Buffy. I don’t know what you are. But you’re not the girl I fell in love with. I hope she’s in there somewhere; I really do. But what we’re doing isn’t bringing her back, it’s turning you into something –someone- else and I can’t say I fancy her.” He took a deep, ragged breath and continued, “ I love you, Buffy. I don’t want to be the instrument you use to punish yourself. I’m sorry, pet. Really, I am.”

Buffy gaped at him in astonishment. “You really mean it,” she breathed. “You’re breaking up with me! I’m being dumped by a soulless vampire!”

“Can’t break up if there’s nothing to break, can you? And I can’t dump what I never had. I’m just retiring from the service-the-Slayer biz is all. “ He put his head back against the back of the chair and shut his eyes wearily. Gesturing toward to door, he said, “There’s an old tee shirt and jeans in that bag by the door if want ‘em. Wouldn’t do to have your bot runnin’ around naked……”

He ducked quickly as several candles flew at his head before she stormed out the door, slamming it so hard a piece of stone cracked and broke off the wall. The spot where the bag of clothes had been was empty.

When the door had stopped vibrating and he knew Buffy was really gone, Spike slumped back in the chair and wondered what he’d been thinking.

(You ARE a stupid git. She came to you, never mind what for, and you turned her away. She’ll never forgive you for this. You’ve buggered yourself completely this time.)

He grabbed a bottle of JD that he’d stashed under the chair and, tipping his head back, poured a substantial amount of it down his throat. He tried to convince himself that he was better off without her, but the unrelieved bulge in his jeans and the ache in his chest told him he wasn’t even fooling himself. With a resigned sigh, he settled in for a long night of drinking himself senseless.

Buffy walked through the cemetery muttering to herself, hardly slowing down as she staked whatever newly-risen vamps that were unfortunate enough to cross her path.

“He threw me out! HE threw ME out! Who does he think he is? He’s the one who wants me, not versa-visa, vice-versey, whatever! I don’t want him. I don’t even need him. Arrogant, pig-headed, vampire! I’ll show him.”

She stormed into the house on Revello drive, not even aware that she was still muttering and carrying the bag of clothes. She stomped past a surprised Willow and Dawn, going straight to her room and flinging herself on the bed face first.

“Stupid vampire. Thinks I need him. Thinks I want his stupid body. That I can’t be happy without him. What does he know? He was just convenient. I can find somebody else just as…convenient. He’ll be sorry, stupid vampire….”

The end?

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